Alright, confession time, you beautiful disaster. Your Expert Advisor is probably trash. Not “needs a little tweak” trash. Not “wrong settings” trash. Full-on, straight-to-the-landfill, 200 kg of digital garbage.

You paid $299 for it, gave it a cute name like “PipDestroyer_v69_ultimate,” slapped it on a live account, and now you’re wondering why your equity curve looks like the EKG of a guy who just saw his wife with the pool boy.

Relax. This isn’t personal. 97.3% of all EAs currently running on retail accounts suck harder than a vacuum cleaner in a black hole. Here’s exactly why yours is part of that statistic, and how to fix it before it drags you into the abyss.

Reason #1 – You Bought It from a Guy Who Calls Himself “ForexSharkSlayer”

Real developers have boring names and zero Lambo photos. If the vendor’s profile pic is him on a rented yacht holding cash like a low-budget rapper, your EA was coded by his 14-year-old cousin in between Fortnite matches.

Reason #2 – The Backtest Looks Like a Hockey Stick (Because It Is)

Smooth upward curve, microscopic drawdown, perfect entries on every candle since 2010. Congrats, you just bought a $199 PNG file. That shit was optimized on the same historical data so hard it fits the past like OJ’s glove – and it will perform exactly the same in the future (i.e. not at all).

Reason #3 – It Has 47 Inputs and You Touched 46 of Them

You saw “MagicNumber,” “SuperSecretFilter,” “AggressionLevel,” and your monkey brain went “ooh, sliders!” Now your EA only works between 3:14 AM and 3:17 AM on the second Tuesday of months that start with J. Great job, Einstein.

Reason #4 – It’s a Martingale or Grid in Disguise

Seller calls it “Smart Recovery System” or “Dynamic Position Builder.” Translation: it doubles your lot size every time you lose until your account becomes modern art.

One decent trend against it and you’re not trading anymore – you’re auditioning for a margin-call documentary on Netflix.

Reason #5 – You’re Running It on a Broker That Hunts Stops for Sport

Your EA places a perfect 30-pip stop loss. Broker sees it, licks its lips, moves the price exactly 30.1 pips against you, then snaps back. You lose. Broker buys another yacht. Cycle repeats until you’re broke and emotionally scarred.

Reason #6 – You Never Forward-Tested the Damn Thing

You saw the pretty backtest, got FOMO, went live the same day. Forward testing is like a condom for your account – skipping it feels amazing until reality hits.

Reason #7 – It Trades 28 Pairs at Once “for Diversification”

Diversification is great. Running the same shitty logic on 28 pairs is just multiplying stupidity by 28. When the logic fails (and it will), you don’t get 28 small losses. You get one giant synchronized explosion.

Reason #8 – You Keep Checking It Every 5 Minutes

You turned a semi-passive system into a full-time anxiety disorder. Every red candle makes you tweak something. Congratulations, you’re now the worst employee your EA ever had.

Reason #9 – It Was Free

If it’s free, YOU are the product. Either it’s malware mining crypto on your VPS, phoning your account details to Belarus, or it’s so bad the developer gave up and released it just to watch the world burn.

Reason #10 – You Expect It to Print Money in Every Market Condition

News events? Crashes? Central bank interventions? Range markets that last six months? Your EA doesn’t care. It was coded for the perfect trending low-volatility paradise that existed for exactly 11 days in 2017.

How to Un-Suck Your EA (or Know When to Take It Behind the Barn)

Step 1: Burn the current one. Seriously. Delete it. Feel the freedom.

Step 2: Ask yourself three questions

• Does it have verified live results >6 months?
• Is max drawdown <30% in those live results?
• Can you explain in one sentence how it actually makes money?

If “no” to any, walk away.

Step 3: Build or buy boring. The best EAs are mind-numbingly simple:

• One or two moving averages
• One trend filter
• Fixed fractional position sizing
• Hard stop loss that never moves
• Runs on 1–3 major pairs
• Makes 5–15% a month and you want to fall asleep reading the code

That’s it. Boring = robust = survives real markets.

Step 4: Demo → forward test → tiny live → scale Minimum 3 months demo, 3 months forward on a real tick VPS. If it survives that gauntlet, start with 0.01 lots and pray.

Step 5: Accept the truth. Even the best EA will have losing weeks. Months. Sometimes a whole quarter. That’s not failure – that’s statistics. The goal is to survive long enough for the edge to play out.

Final Reality Check

If you want an EA that actually works this year and beyond, you have exactly three options:

1. Code it yourself (takes 3–12 months to get decent)
2. Pay a real developer $2k–$10k for something custom and boring
3. Reverse-engineer a simple open-source strategy and make it yours

Everything else on MQL5 market under $800 is entertainment software.

Your current EA isn’t “almost there.” It’s not “one tweak away.” It sucks. Accept it, delete it, move on. Your account will thank you.

Financial Disclaimer (The “I Told You So” Edition)

This is not financial advice, investment advice, or even decent life advice. It’s just a cynical Frenchman with too many screens laughing at your pain. Forex can separate you from your money faster than a Tinder date who says “it’s not about the money.” I’m not responsible if your robot rebels and turns your $10k into a fond memory. Trade small, trade boring, or go cosplay as a gambler somewhere else. Aristide-Regal.com – where we call trash “trash” and still somehow make money. Peace out.

More updates : https://www.aristide-regal.com/blog/ and https://x.com/Aristide_REGAL